Monday, July 15, 2013

Pity Party table for 1

I've sat down to type a post about a half million times. Nothing seems to want to come out. Not about the kids, hence the lack of 4th of July pictures or anything in general. Blogging with a purpose, or anything about life... nothing.

I feel like I'm sinking deep into this pit of sadness. I seriously hate most days and wish time away. I wake up counting hours until bedtime. The kids are really just being kids. Some days they are rowdier than most, but hey, they are kids and I know that. I just can't handle it. I know that I'm missing out on things and then I feel guilty. They've had more iphone and TV time than I would really like but .. I don't know what else to do to feel half way sane.

Conrad is still having back pain. He thankful has another appointment this Thursday with a new doctor, hopefully something comes about. He's in pain all of the time. He's tired from working. He has to take his medicine. I just want to fast forward to him being pain free. I know that it's taking a toll on both of us.

I have a love/hate relationship with blogging. I like having milestones and outings and all that fun stuff in one place {since I'm never going to start/finish baby books. Sorry Ally & Austin} I love reading others blogs and about life. I hate the way I sound when I write. I write like I'm in third grade. I swear. I get jealous when I read someone's well written post about their kid and I'm like awww I wish I could have said that in that way.

I am hating summer. I want to do sooo many things as a family but Conrad is in so much pain. I know he can push through but what fun is that? Seeing him in pain. Paying for it later on that night. I feel bad doing stuff without him but he's missing out because of his back. I hate seeing stuff that people are doing, weekends away, trips to Disney and here I am, watching another episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Super! Can't wait to blog about this episode of MMC!

I hate that I have gained so much weight. I know it's from drinking Coke. I've become addicted to it. I sound so stupid saying that. But really, going to MCD and drinking a large coke just helps me feel better. Oh and I haven't exercised in who knows how long. I'm too tired to do it. I know that exercising will give me more energy but I'm just lazy, I guess.

So there it is ... I'm fat, lazy, sad and guilty. Oh and I have jury duty tomorrow. Awesome!!  I can't wait to spend some time at the Court House. Yay for being a grown up!