Monday, July 15, 2013

Pity Party table for 1

I've sat down to type a post about a half million times. Nothing seems to want to come out. Not about the kids, hence the lack of 4th of July pictures or anything in general. Blogging with a purpose, or anything about life... nothing.

I feel like I'm sinking deep into this pit of sadness. I seriously hate most days and wish time away. I wake up counting hours until bedtime. The kids are really just being kids. Some days they are rowdier than most, but hey, they are kids and I know that. I just can't handle it. I know that I'm missing out on things and then I feel guilty. They've had more iphone and TV time than I would really like but .. I don't know what else to do to feel half way sane.

Conrad is still having back pain. He thankful has another appointment this Thursday with a new doctor, hopefully something comes about. He's in pain all of the time. He's tired from working. He has to take his medicine. I just want to fast forward to him being pain free. I know that it's taking a toll on both of us.

I have a love/hate relationship with blogging. I like having milestones and outings and all that fun stuff in one place {since I'm never going to start/finish baby books. Sorry Ally & Austin} I love reading others blogs and about life. I hate the way I sound when I write. I write like I'm in third grade. I swear. I get jealous when I read someone's well written post about their kid and I'm like awww I wish I could have said that in that way.

I am hating summer. I want to do sooo many things as a family but Conrad is in so much pain. I know he can push through but what fun is that? Seeing him in pain. Paying for it later on that night. I feel bad doing stuff without him but he's missing out because of his back. I hate seeing stuff that people are doing, weekends away, trips to Disney and here I am, watching another episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Super! Can't wait to blog about this episode of MMC!

I hate that I have gained so much weight. I know it's from drinking Coke. I've become addicted to it. I sound so stupid saying that. But really, going to MCD and drinking a large coke just helps me feel better. Oh and I haven't exercised in who knows how long. I'm too tired to do it. I know that exercising will give me more energy but I'm just lazy, I guess.

So there it is ... I'm fat, lazy, sad and guilty. Oh and I have jury duty tomorrow. Awesome!!  I can't wait to spend some time at the Court House. Yay for being a grown up!

2 comments:

  1. Girl, we are all entitled to a pity party every once in a while! Know that I am praying for you and your fam, especially Conrad and his back. That situation just sucks. And seriously, the next time you are headed to McD's with the kids, text me. I would love to pack up my crazies and meet you.

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  2. OH dear friend. I am so sorry that this is such a hard time in life for you!! I am praying for you and for conrad's back and how that situation affects the whole family! Getting back into exercising is so hard and goes full circle... my addiction is mountain dew and taco bell! totally understand finding comfort in that! Looking forward to our girls day with no kiddos!!

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