Thursday, May 9, 2013

Baby #4?

Nope, I'm not pregnant. 

In fact, I think I'm actually at a point where I've realized that I'm not in that stage of life anymore, and I'm ok with that. It's been tough emotionally this last year just thinking that we are finished with the baby/newborn stuff. Prior to Austin's birth, we had planned on having 4 kids. Things didn't go as planned so our plans changed.

In the last year I've cried many times about it. I've been upset about it. I've even been jealous of friends that are pregnant. I felt so selfish feeling all of those things as I'm holding my sweet little guy in my arms. I've been blessed to have him as my third and I'm upset at not having a fourth? Come on Heidi! I think I just had that picture in my mind. Conrad with hand in hand with Aubrey and Allyson and me with the little ones. Then someone came and scribbled all of my pretty picture... not fun.

I started reading a book about motherhood being more than just job. And I know that there's more to being a mom than just popping out kids. But while reading it something clicked for me. I was just so caught up in that number, growing our family and that stage of life, that I was totally missing out on focusing on that next stage. Raising this kids. I have read parenting books and such, don't get me wrong I'm just leaving them to fend for themselves & running a muck while I'm crying in the corner. I've just been so caught up in feeling sad, I forgot I can be happy about what I have and what's to come.

I know this is a lot of just thoughts and what not but I was so happy with myself when I was cleaning and decided to get rid of those books. I didn't feel that need for them. I'm not pregnant and we are past Austin's first year. I'm ready for that next chapter in my life!

Potty training Allyson and then Austin

Training these little ones to obey, be polite and respectful. Help them Aubrey with her school work and prepare Allyson for school.

Bringing up a boy to be a sweet little guy. Teach this kid to walk!

Just grow my kids to be followers of Jesus.

I am ready. I'm embracing this next stage in our family's life.