Thursday, May 9, 2013

Baby #4?

Nope, I'm not pregnant. 



In fact, I think I'm actually at a point where I've realized that I'm not in that stage of life anymore, and I'm ok with that. It's been tough emotionally this last year just thinking that we are finished with the baby/newborn stuff. Prior to Austin's birth, we had planned on having 4 kids. Things didn't go as planned so our plans changed.

In the last year I've cried many times about it. I've been upset about it. I've even been jealous of friends that are pregnant. I felt so selfish feeling all of those things as I'm holding my sweet little guy in my arms. I've been blessed to have him as my third and I'm upset at not having a fourth? Come on Heidi! I think I just had that picture in my mind. Conrad with hand in hand with Aubrey and Allyson and me with the little ones. Then someone came and scribbled all of my pretty picture... not fun.

I started reading a book about motherhood being more than just job. And I know that there's more to being a mom than just popping out kids. But while reading it something clicked for me. I was just so caught up in that number, growing our family and that stage of life, that I was totally missing out on focusing on that next stage. Raising this kids. I have read parenting books and such, don't get me wrong I'm just leaving them to fend for themselves & running a muck while I'm crying in the corner. I've just been so caught up in feeling sad, I forgot I can be happy about what I have and what's to come.

I know this is a lot of just thoughts and what not but I was so happy with myself when I was cleaning and decided to get rid of those books. I didn't feel that need for them. I'm not pregnant and we are past Austin's first year. I'm ready for that next chapter in my life!

Potty training Allyson and then Austin

Training these little ones to obey, be polite and respectful. Help them Aubrey with her school work and prepare Allyson for school.

Bringing up a boy to be a sweet little guy. Teach this kid to walk!

Just grow my kids to be followers of Jesus.

I am ready. I'm embracing this next stage in our family's life.

2 comments:

  1. Beautiful and honest post, Heidi. No matter how blessed we are, it still takes time to work though life not turning out exactly as we thought. Glad to see you are focusing on the positives and the next stage in life...I feel like before we know it, we will all be old with no kids at home!

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  2. This post is so encouraging to me. I totally understand how you feel. I have always pictured at least having three kids of our own, but since seeing what pregnancy was like on that horrid medication, we have decided that was my last pregnancy. It is so sad, because i've always thought 3 was the perfect number, but God has also been reminding me similarly that I need to just enjoy the two i have and embrace every moment! It's not about just having the ideal number, but doing the best with the ones He has given us...

    Hard point to come to, but so much peace in knowing as long as we keep our focus on Christ we will be happier than we could have imagined.

    And Jessica is so right... 'before we know it, we will all be old with no kids at home!'

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